What if I fell?

So today my brother, Mother and I went over to our Clearfield house to do some more cleanup before family comes for thanksgiving. I did a few easy jobs like pruning trees and hammering nails back into the fence first, and then I had to clean the gutters. I have never before today done this, and certainly not on two story houses. I am understandably nervous as I draw nearer to the edge to shovel out the pine needles and who knows what else is in the gutter. I reach forward and almost in response a wasp climbs up out of the pine needles I was reaching for. The idea came to me, what if i had reached straight into a wasps nest and gotten stung? what if I had freaked out and jumped up? what if in jumping up i accidentally lept off the roof completely? What if I fell?
Thinking this over tonight I thought what am I doing everyday to account for my living? Lately Ive been hitting a sort of Spiritual dry spot. I havent felt much movement or growth and its made me wonder. Sadly I havent really been helping myself out of this as much as I would like to say, but in the end isnt it really up to God where we are or not?

Ephesians 5:10-16
" Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, "Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light."

Sin should have no part in our lives, and while we allow it we are sadly as said here, Sleepers. But Christ promises us that if we wake up and rise up then he will give us light... this point is so simple yet hard to relate. As long as we live in sin and let it control us then expecting growth from God just because we read his word every day and pray and ask him for wisdom is like asking him to shine a light for us and then purposefully shutting our eyes and stumbling again.
I really have become too comfortable with sin and let eat away at me.

Galatians 5:1
" So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure you stay free, and dont get tied up again in slavery to the law."

and again in Galatians 5:16-17

"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you wont be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. these two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions"

and Finally in Galatians 5:24-25
" Those who belong to Christ Jesus have naild the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirits leading in every part of our lives. "

So where does this leave me? I know that I am struggling with sin everyday, and I know that I long to walk with God in every part of my life. I trust the Spirit to lead me out of sin and into an amazing relationship with him, I just need to follow.

opportunity

Well well, where to start? My trip to Waukesha was pretty much awesome! got to see alot of old friends and make new ones! oh and the best part was my sister of course! it was SO good to see her and spend time with her =) it made me realize how much really did change when she left.
Visiting the school was really good for me too, seeing as I am planning on attending... it was quite the eye opener. Life back in sunny florida is so much different than what it was like up there! what really surprised me was that Waukesha really is a great opportunity to learn but it isnt a guarantee that I will learn... i guess... like its up to me and God... not like I can check in and leave fully established in my relationship with God.
just a bit confusing there but its alright =) since getting back i have been pushing a mad rush to catch up with my school. its been going ok but is tiring me out. definitely ready for the weekend!
Lockin! thats this weekend! sweet! im really looking forward to it, hoping it will be an opportunity to let Christ shine through me even though ill be very tired =)this morning my dad was telling me that it will be like a strategy on a battlefield. He will be teaching youth group, Tim will be on a bus with his team, and ill be at a lockin... all of us have opportunity to be a witness for Christ if we get out of the way =) yay
thats all for now

Anxious

I would say worried, but its not really worry thats got me feeling this way. As in, Im not worried about flying or missing flights or figuring out what to do without anyone there... because that would be foolishly forgetting how well God is watching over me =D

Matthew 6:26-34 25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Sorry thats alot of verses but the idea its communicating is obviously that God will provide for us. So that means I really dont have to worry about these things. God will take care of it if I allow it. If I stress myself out to take care of everything, I may completely miss what he has planned for me. that would be awful honestly!

So I choose the word anxious instead, because though Im letting God take care of me I havent had much opportunity to be out on my own basically. Just thought I would share what I was feeling =)

David

Quick, Slow, Slow

James 1:19-20 - My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God's sight.

God brought this verse to my mind today while I was having a conversation that required patience... I wanted to be offended and go off on this and that, just because thats what felt right to me. But I allowed the Spirit to have his way and calm me down... it probably sounded strange to the person I was talking to, one moment I am just short of yelling at them the next Im trying to understand what there was to be offended at. God works in amazing ways.

James 1:5-8 really has been on my mind alot, just in finding stability in Christ and allowing him reign over my life. Also in asking for his wisdom to become part of me.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it o you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But wen you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

When I read this I long for not only the wisdom God promises but also to be settled in him. To be fully content just to put all my faith in Him as I go through life, knowing he will take care of me. And if my loyalty isnt divided, if I am not so easily tossed by every wind, then I can thank God and take rest in him.

Psalms 4:8 - In peace will I lie down and sleep, For you alone Oh Lord will keep me safe.

They all tie together for me right now... Living a stable life for Christ and putting my faith fully in him because he will take care of me. Now Im going to lie down and sleep! Good Night

Crazy Love

Well, I finished it! What a great book and challenge for modern Christianity. Francis Chan really brought some things to light that impressed me and I will not forget for a good bit of time.
One thing that really seemed to stand out to me, whether or not it was pulled out as a point in the book is that I really dont "get it". Its like Im sitting back in my comfortable little life and letting so much pass me by. God has an awe-inspiring plan set out and for the sake of comfort I would rather pass it up. I cant think of a good analogy right here... all the ones I wouldve thought of dont work... but the idea remains the same... Im skipping out on true life for my cheap imitation. I havent let Christ live through me every moment and thus I havent fully lived.
Its very interesting that I started when I did not knowing that I would finish the night before the Beach Retreat... I hope I will allow Christ to have his way with not only this weekend but with my life.
Thanks for letting me borrow the book Skippy =D I loved it!

Memories

Every now and then I go somewhere or hear or see something that REALLY takes me back. Not like oh yah I remember that, like... Wow, I cant believe I ever let those days go. I get so caught up in trying to be better or different that I forget where Ive already been and who I have allowed myself to be. Sometimes it can be hard to remember it all because it hurt... but lately its been like... I wish I could go back. Back to the old days at LMCA or because I just looked through the pictures I took when my 8th grade class went to DC for like a week... I just wish I go back and experience it all again.

We all have to grow up but if I let myself forget in order to change... it really seems like Im trying to change too much.

just what was on my mind right now =)

Incomprehensible

So last night I read the first actual chapter of Francis Chan's "Crazy Love". It really is a great book and is showing me how impressive God is and how pathetic I am in comparison. I could fill the page with just talking about how powerful, creative, amazing, beautiful, and wonderful our creator and saviour is just as easily as I could snap my fingers. I love how alot of people are starting to use space to illustrate his power and creativity, Luis Giglio talking us through the the largest stars, Francis Chan zooming out from earth to see enourmous clusters of Galaxies. Its a great way to show how great He is, and yet he still focuses on a dot that you cant even see until you look closely.

The chapter ended by telling me to take some time just to think about how amazing God truly is, and so I did that. I was laying in bed as I usually am when I read and I turned to the wall and leaned on it... well then the wall was too close and if I kept my eyes open I had to either strain to keep it in focus or just have it blurry. I didnt want to do either of those so I just closed my eyes. I figured since I left the light on I wouldnt have trouble staying awake. The next thing I know my mother is waking me up at 6:30 in the morning. I look around and I am on my bed upside down, my pillow is thrown on the floor, and the light is still on. However I slept like a baby so all isnt lost.

One thought in particular struck me after I was done reading. It came to mind because of what Jenna said in a comment on my last post... how its easy to understand that God loves me now and forever going >>>> that way.... but its so much harder to understand that he has always loved me <<<< now >>>>

Its hard enough to fathom him thinking about me before I was born, but even before everything else... possibly an eternity before? im just astounded by Him. Awestruck that he would write such a beautiful story of mankind and his sacrifice. What did he do before planning what he would do with us? hes been around forever... what did he do before creation? wow

and I thought understanding some of the concepts from Algebra 2 was hard.

What a crazy week!

Its been an interesting time, I have to say. My parents are getting home from Colorado today, and I cant wait to see them. I will miss having Tristin around like 24/7, and his "Cooking Show", but it will be nice to get back to normality. My house has just about become a train wreck without anyone here cleaning it, kind of hard just to pop into the habit of cleaning stuff when you see it. Books went pretty well, We got most of our orders out but were this more of a long term thing there may have been problems.

Labour(?) Day was just great! the picnic was alot smaller than it has been in past years, but it was still fun, and the Sidewalk Prophets concert was simply incredible! Im totally glad I went. I find it incredible that their music and Josh's words beforehand really brought my mind to a new part of Gods love. That he created me the way I am and has loved me far before I was even born. I dont need to be anyone else for him, He loves ME... And I want to let him have every part of me!

I really didnt expect the day to be like that... the picnic was less then i had expected and the concert, far more! quoting Grant McCurdy in his song "Deja Vu", "Without preconceptions, theres never any reason to frown" so true... whatever i think something is going to be like could be totally off... if i expect it to be amazing it may fall short... if i expect it to be kind of lame it may just blow me away.... and if I just let it come I think it will be best.

Not very focused today im afraid... but its what i get for staying up working.

See all the Mission folks on friday!

David

New History?!

So today started out much like most others, getting up early to do a bible study with my brother and dad. we started lamentations this morning on my brothers request =). After the bible study i went back to bed for a nap, and had a strange dream in which my neice tried to steal an airsoft gun from me... strange. I was a bit too scatterbrained to do much school but i did a good bit anyway, and had plenty of time left over to relax and get ready for this coming week. With my parents and siblings leaving tomorrow i will be in charge of our fams business... not sure if im ready but ill do my best.

so today i studied the exact same things in American history that i learned in 8th grade. no joke, i remembered it... isnt there any NEW history to learn haha =) oh well. it was funny though, i remember practicing my part of the Declaration of Independence a little... but i remembered one of the others better as i had to help someone study it. what memories!

other than all of that today has been a normal day =)

Last night i tried reading more in the book ive been going through for my personal study, but i was completely exhausted and didnt make it very far at all before i was taking 15 second blinks. oh well... ill get back to it soon =D

well thats all for now,

See all the mission folks tomorrow

Night!

David

See all the mission folks tomorrow!

Beautiful morning

4:15 A.M.
I dont remember the last time I got up this early, but up I am, off to take Nathan to the airport. the hour long ride there neatly puts me to sleep and I wake up in time to hug him and say goodbye. That was that. I had assumed that i would simply go home now and go back to bed =D hooray! however when I saw the light of the morning shining over the clouds I remembered that Jenna and I had decided sometime to play guitar and watch the sunrise on the river walk's edge. So I called her... at 6:30 (still didnt seem too early to me as i had been up for over 2 hours) she agreed and we met just before the sun broke the clouds and worshiped God. =)
"I see your face in every sunrise, The colors of the morning are inside your eyes"
Thank you God for such a beautiful morning =)
Thank you Jenna for joining me =) sorry I woke you up!

My Song

Lord, Take my pride and confidence in myself,

and show me how to confide and glorify only You

Lord, Take my time and how i spend it

and allow it to fulfill only your will

Lord, Take my music, my inspiration, my art.

Let it only flow forth from you. My song is yours.

Lord, take my love and give me the love of your spirit,

that I may love only she whom you choose.

Lord take my life as your own to live,

and do not let my foolish mind and selfish heart control me.

Lord, Give me strength to follow you, A love that is Yours alone,

A song worthy of your voice, A life that is dedicated wholly to you, My God.

In Your Name: Amen

David Donald Heckman

Roots

Visiting my Grandmas lake is always a relaxing vacation but before this year hasnt really registered as part of me. being up here in the house my family built and on the land we own i cant help but FEEL who i am up here =D playing guitar, reading, relaxing, everything just seems to drift into place.
This is the first year my Grandma isnt here. its kind of weird my mom seems to have taken her place cleaning and working in the kitchen even when she doesnt have too =). i an easily say i miss her... but this house makes it easy to remember her well.
Lake Guthrie is a part of me as much as NTM HQ or my House in florida. its a place i can call home.
Im really starting to miss everyone at home as i havent gotten to talk much to anyone. feel free to call or something, even though it wont go through i can call you back hahahaa... but id love to talk to someone =D

Love to all,
David

Vacation! =)

Saturday, June 21, 2008 I wrote an entry to this blog from this very seat and computer =) im happy to say that i feel better than i did then... however im not sure if i am doing better. back then i was able to just come out and say IM STRUGGLING, HELP ME... i saw how deep a pit i was in and the way out.... im still in the pit, i still se the way out but it keeps getting deeper and deeper and i fall further away from my one hope of ever escaping. When im in church or when i am tired or sad or emotionally unstable or insecure or whatever else happens that gives me a good look in the mirror i see how pathetic and hopeless i really am without my Savior. however day to day life gives me a warped and distorted view of myself, like a fat kid looking in a funhouse mirror that makes him look well built. Im surrounded by fun house mirrors built by the Devil himself to keep me from seeing my need for Jesus and i want out.

...

so back to my weekend! =D im killing time at our friends condo again with my family! so much fun! funny how everytime i come here i manage to write something this sober.

Sick

Title says it all =| 

Tired should be added in since they usually come as a package deal.

So here i sit, sick and tired trying figure out what i thought was worthwhile to put up. 

The skillet concert was one of the best experiences of my life and kinda brought some things into focus, things that seem to be a part of me. =) that probably sounds stupid but when i was there i felt like the bands had the same idea driving them that i did.

ok its kinda too hard to explain so im not going to try... 

im done writing now.

rock star

New Title, new idea!
I asked one of my friends to check this out just so she knew about the events one day had brought me and how i dealt with them. She however went all the way back and one by one read what i had written. Now when i think of someone doing that it kinda bugs me because i dont even remember what i was like back then. what if i said something stupid that i regret now? but what she told me was very encouraging. Through what i had written she came to see that God is the safest person to fall back on in times of struggle. It made me want to do more with this blog than just tell about what happens day to day. dont worry thats still what ill do, but now i have a purpose behind it. =) so everyone, enjoy and Rock On!

-David

Story Time

Let me tell you a story.
like 3 years ago i was introduced to a song that changed my life.
i didnt like it at the time
it was One Last Breath by Creed
but i heard that song and my dad gave me one of their cds because it wasnt selling
and that is how i started liking my rock music.
flash back about 6 years
Creed breaks up because their lead singer has drinking problem
flash to about a year ago
i take up guitar because i wanted to learn to play one last breath
flash to today
Creed is back together for a summer tour and a new album.
the band that changed my life is back together and im going to go see them in september.

Thats my story =) made my day.

Crash

Today (technically) started when i woke up at 6:30 for a bible study with my father and brother before they left. we were talking about not letting things become distractions to us and how we should focus fully on following God. I really didnt think it would apply to me very much. I went back to sleep as is my custom and woke up at 10:10. that was rather strange considering i usually wake up around 9. I checked my email and got ready for a good day, full of school, and fun. i got on facebook and my day changed. i got a wall post from megan that made me very concerned. it took several hours for her to get in contact with me but when she did.... my day changed again. Our big thing before she left crashed to the ground while i watched. the concert we had been planning for a month at least... our hour long phone call about it, getting more excited my the minute... just fell. It left me in a state i havent felt in a long time. usually if something changes i can just adapt to it and move on without a problem. but i couldnt focus on anything. i tried 3 different classes in school, couldnt pay attention in any of them, i tried playing poker on facebook and lost pitifully (worse than usual). I blasted music through my head to get it to stop but it just stayed.
im doing better now, at least in that respect.
my parents confronted me tonight about my school situation... just when i thought i was doing well enough they told me more more more. what can i say to that? no? its not even a thing i can disagree with i just have to sit and take their rebuke and try harder to please them.
I tried getting comfort from friends and ended up just feeling worse. today I crashed and burned. nothing i could do about it but try to ignore it.
I built my little kingdom of comfort, distractions, so i can feel good. but when days like this come i see clearly how weak and pathetic it really is. days like this I see that God holds out his hand acceptingly, and i dont need to try and prove myself to him, and when i crash he is there to pull me out of the fire.

Back from D2S

Well what can i say? some things about this trip were better... some werent... overall... it was what i made it out to be =) I really enjoyed having megan along this year! =) the ride home would have been empty without you! =) im glad that angie came along too. Anberlin buddies =) hehe. as for the actual conference... i dotn know... it didnt really hit me this year... i mean it was good... but not all i was expecting.
Fee was a good band, when i got home i downloaded one of their songs (We Shine) ("WE ARE THE RE DEEMED!!!! AND IN THIS WORLD WE ARE FREEEEEEE!!!!!!) fun song =D
some parts of the trip will be quickly forgotten (i hope). awh well
hey megan... look at sams toe! ... that one will last for a while!
oh and "NOW LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT!!!" =)
alright im tired and not thinking clearly... so im going to stop writing.
thanks for the great trip guys =)
good night

Life as of late

sorry to those who check back here often.
Well what can i say... im tired, kinda sore, but anxious for what the new day may bring... which is fancy talk for im excited about dare 2 share! =) less than a week and ill be climbing into a car at some ungodly hour of the morning, driving for hours and hours with friends finally to arrive in Atlanta... i cant wait!
Most of those reading this are probably feeling the same way!
The garage sale went great! woke up at like 7:30 and went over and worked til 5:00! you do the math but i think its about 9 hours. lots of fun, but i am very tired from it. i got to draw Henna tats on whoever wanted them so that was fun... i think i gave out over 12 different drawings though... lots of fun! even though only a few people wanted them. Jenna i do need to give you one of these sometime.
So thursday night. im sitting at my computer (much like i am now) and i have something sharp and scratchy in my throat! not like alive or anthing but it feels like a toothpick or something... but really small. i tried to get it out with many things... i tried washing it down with yogurt, and after squeezing yogurt all over my face and wiping it off with my shirt, just gave up and went to bed. what followed was about an hour of trying to get comfortable, failing, and gagging myself trying to get the thing out. never did. it was pretty painful all of friday but right now i barely notice it... i think its still there, just not bothering me...
friday night youth group was really fun this week. I loved playing the music this week... for some reason it seemed more fun than usual... and i loved the laughs we got when we sang the last verse of down to the river to Tristin! lol
Megan i just want you to know i did not appreciate your attitude when you ate that chocolate ;) lol.
Alrighty, well i just wrote this cuz i dont feel like going to bed, but im done now... so i guess off i go. night yall!

David

What a Day!

Yesterday was amazing for me. My mom and i went all over the place.
We started at the Podiatrist who assessed my foot pain and looked for a remedy. the reason my feet hurt after standing or walking for a long time is because i have a high arch. when im not wearing shoes that support my high arch the little muscles in my foot get very tired out. (and you wonder why i like to take breaks along the way to the music store or burger king!) however this can be cured by putting cute little custom inserts in my shoes so that my feet arent so stressed. I told him that when my ankle bends to far forward it sends up a shooting pain that stays for days, and he Xrayed me alot... then he said i would have to go for an MRI... so im going to do that because my parents dont think its right that a sixteen year old cant run without limping for the next few days. oh another fact about the podiatrists office. they have these little slippers. not normal slippers... the kind that make you more comfortable... oh nay nay. these were the brown paper bag eqivilent to slippers. quite literally. they were brown flat paper slippers... and they didnt fit and when i walked they fell off.
After the podiatrist we made a quick stop at a music store which was closing down... sad...
From there we went to Pine Ridge High school where we were sent to several different offices to get me clearence to sit in on a Jazz Ensemble class. now this is a huge highschool right? i mean i know some students but i never expected to walk in and see one of my friends from last years school. so that was pretty cool... at least i wasnt alone. afterwords the teacher talked to me about my abilities and such. I decided i would love to join it! They signed me up for a registration appointment. however now we have to go to Deltona high and fetch a waver so that i can go to the school im not zoned to.

So all in all yesterday was a good day! =) Thank you all for praying. see you soon!
David

PS Im so sorry for waking you up Jenna... i hope you made it back to your dream!

Prayer

Hey all,
I was hoping that you all could pray with me. lots of little stuff that doesnt really matter much... but ive been thinking alot tonight... and... i feel lonely.

Newly found Devotion

Thats what im calling it... sort of... Thanks for reading!!! It makes me happy.
well today went well... jennas jokes were... but ill stop there. It was good to see megan for a while... even though she hsouldve been cleaning her room! hahahaha and it was fun talking to tyler... ha...
The walk to BK was ok... my feet still hurt
Im going to the Pediatrist tomorrow to get them checked out. hopefully im fixable... haha...
I loved Angies socks! =D they are awesome.
ok i obviously am tired... and not focusing very well
Angie, Katrina, Megan, Jenna, Sarah, Tyler, Russell, Evan, and Mary
Thanks for giving me a good day... oh... and Tristin =D hahaha

Happy New Years

I pulled my mind from the advertisement playing on TV just long enough to figure out what my brother was saying. however once he had my attention it was crystal clear. "Happy New Years" he shouted, and then he ran from the room. i swallowed and the pain sent me into a coughing fit. I climbed up off the bed and before going out into the living room to see my family I stopped in the bathroom to fill a few tissues. I felt a throb behind my eyes, and it seemed to disconnect me from the world just a bit. I celebrated this new year and the passing of the old by agian painfully swallowing, this time Sparkling grape juice and in a "Joy to the world way"
The throbbing continued into the night. that along with how hard it was to breathe made it hard to sleep. several times i would wake up and have to sit up to catch my breath.

Happy New Years everyone! =)
I am now getting over the worst sickness i have had in ... *what?* a year.
every year around christmas i am struck with a plaue... thats the only time of the year i am seriously affected by it. oh well its almost over, and then hey i have a whole year of "100%"

Thats funny isnt it? Im only 16 and i dont remember feeling 100% ... maybe sometime before last summer. Thats when i decided that walking was painful. About that... im not sure but i think im going to the doctor for it! finally... after about a year and a half of waiting for it to get better. tomorrow we are going ot the doctor and he is going to ... i dont know ... schedule something to check my feet.

Ok, well thats all for this evening
Love You All (Both of You who read this!)

David